i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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