I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
