My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We're too hungover to prance.
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