My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
