were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
