i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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