I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
where am i from again
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
