Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had to cum in my sink.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have post one night stand depression
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
