Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
