she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
