i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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