I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
