I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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