And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
