I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
