I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
