i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
