Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
