He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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