Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
