Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
