He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
