So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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