I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drunk is not a location!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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