that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A bitchslap is in order.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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