living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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