Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
