Im at strip club and am horny
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
