I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
