i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
