rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
