my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
