Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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