CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
