Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
