I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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