if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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