had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
