He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
