If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
