they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
