Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"