an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
