i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night