Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (298) Good night (75442) Bad night (3071)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/b0ha
  Replies (7) Good night (3518) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate. http://tfl.nu/qonz
  Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (2814)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed http://tfl.nu/piiv
  Replies (25) Good night (5147) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): 2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year http://tfl.nu/2ypx
  Replies (7) Good night (1956) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  and now there are teeth marks on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): and now there are teeth marks on my dick. http://tfl.nu/97y3
  Replies (17) Good night (1380) Bad night (5742)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead. (319): You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you. http://tfl.nu/03d8
  Replies (15) Good night (2431) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/sax7
  Replies (7) Good night (788) Bad night (2563)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now. http://tfl.nu/5tlj
  Replies (2) Good night (1468) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF. http://tfl.nu/pvmt
  Replies (12) Good night (2722) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real. http://tfl.nu/xx9a
  Replies (4) Good night (958) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20 http://tfl.nu/rssu
  Replies (5) Good night (489) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves. http://tfl.nu/gb5a
  Replies (2) Good night (399) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover. http://tfl.nu/9z9a
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right? http://tfl.nu/qib4
  Replies (6) Good night (661) Bad night (820)

Randomize