Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(719): View more from Colorado

so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(719): so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself. http://tfl.nu/omuv

Replies (28) Good night (1173) Bad night (2843)
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends. http://tfl.nu/34is

Replies (28) Good night (493) Bad night (3874)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7

Replies (49) Good night (8865) Bad night (948)
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day. http://tfl.nu/xqgd

Replies (13) Good night (4202) Bad night (1269)
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz

Replies (36) Good night (4614) Bad night (1322)
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1

Replies (10) Good night (3171) Bad night (661)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day. http://tfl.nu/6fp1

Replies (5) Good night (644) Bad night (1928)
Favorite
(805): View more from California

You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius! http://tfl.nu/013j

Replies (6) Good night (763) Bad night (1425)
Favorite
(478): View more from Georgia

You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(478): You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover http://tfl.nu/1qw9

Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (946)
Favorite
(305): View more from Florida

I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.

(954): View more from Florida

It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(305): I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight. (954): It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse. http://tfl.nu/qkdj

Replies (7) Good night (1243) Bad night (682)
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ

(1-303): View more from Colorado

he is risen halelujah

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ (1-303): he is risen halelujah http://tfl.nu/sbcr

Replies (6) Good night (1411) Bad night (542)
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/9psc

Replies (6) Good night (1223) Bad night (413)
Favorite
(44): View more from United Kingdom

I think he just caught a duck in mid flight

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(44): I think he just caught a duck in mid flight http://tfl.nu/qjp2

Replies (15) Good night (1467) Bad night (378)
Favorite
(605): View more from South Dakota

Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(605): Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast. http://tfl.nu/w2q8

Replies (11) Good night (1168) Bad night (383)
Favorite
(415): View more from California

I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(415): I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided. http://tfl.nu/izkw

Replies (4) Good night (1068) Bad night (245)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: