Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND