I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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