I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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