After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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