either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
