ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
