i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
