Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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