ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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