I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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