Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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