I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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