hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
