Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
