i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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