You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
