Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
