then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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