OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
