You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
