OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
