Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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