I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
