awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
