...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need to calm my uterus...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
