party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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