I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
