so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
