My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
