I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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