so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
