i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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