how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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