I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Still dying that you shit outside
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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