Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
