God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
