I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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