something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
