Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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