:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
