she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
