I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
